SEX AND A KENYAN CITY

Fifteen years ago, personals in Kenya were limited to searches for pen pals of around the same age, living in different towns, usually of the same sex. Little boys and girls wanted to write and receive letters from other little boys and girls about their pets, their favourite foods, what they learnt in school and their hobbies. That was a time when sex outside of marriage was abhorred and the discovery of a minister’s love child was newsworthy.

I was reading through the Personals yesterday and came across an advertisement by a man in his forties, married with children, who was looking for a woman in her twenties with whom he could “share a secret love story”. This got me thinking about Kenya. It is shocking how casual we have become about sex. Not only about having it, but also as regards talking about it and flaunting it. It is after all an expression of what comes naturally and if we’re all doing it and know that we’re all doing it, why not share notes about when, where, with whom and how we are doing it? We go on and on about it on morning radio shows, sharing intimate details about our sex lives with millions of people as we’re egged on by radio presenters, we write about it in newspapers and magazines; we publish pornographic magazines and sell them to children on the streets. It has become so ridiculous that we now compete to share a more erotic story than the next person.

Now sex is not limited to our bedrooms. We have sex in parking lots, in club loos, at sports grounds, in our offices, in secondary schools. All we need to have sex now is at least one other person (we prefer more) who is willing to do it. Rooms and beds are now irrelevant details.

Bed and breakfasts no longer rely solely on business men and women in from out of town, or tourists. A lot of money is to be made from couples in clandestine relationships looking to rent day rooms for their sexual escapades. Sex is the new lunch. Incidentally, this is probably the reason why parking lots of hotels are full with only a handful of patrons within sight.

Married men have girlfriends, married women have boyfriends, boys’ girlfriends have boyfriends and girls’ boyfriends have girlfriends. We have friends with benefits. Simply put, we are an overly friendly society that has a lot of sex.
Sex has been cheapened. We condone sex outside marriage. We couldn’t care less if it happened. It is after all, just sex. If your partner cheated on you, forgive them. It was after all, just sex. Having sex is one of those things we discuss over a cigarette much like we would discuss the traffic this morning on Mombasa road. Talking about sex is a marketing tool to sell everything from a radio station to chicken. Sleeping around is not even as disgusting as chewing gum. We have said good bye to the spirituality of sex and along with it, the sanctity of marriage.

Incidentally, what is all the hullaballoo about sex education when our children are surrounded by sex anyway? We might as well resign ourselves to delivering the information to them in a structured manner. In fact, the idea of learning about sex will likely give you their undivided, attention on a sunny Friday afternoon.

As I wallow in this cesspool of lewdness, I am conscious that the same over indulgence in promiscuity is going on all around the world. But in an African society that prides itself on traditions that are centered on morality, traditions that we have strived to maintain despite the test of time, traditions of respect, loyalty and decency, where did we go wrong? How do we not want to treat our wives like queens and our husbands like kings? How do we mistake promiscuity for freedom and progressiveness? Where do we draw the line between being broad-minded and being filthy bastards? Perhaps it is time we refocused our energies on attempting to rediscover the family values previously synonymous with Kenya as well as plain old integrity.

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